That morning, Merry made the family breakfast; eggs, cassava bake and cocoa tea. After breakfast, she took the dishes away from the table and started sweeping the kitchen floor. Jason returned to his bedroom. Toney on the other hand, went to the corner of the kitchen for a pair of booths and headed into the yard.
From outside, Toney called out. “Merry, I am going to take care of the dogs before heading out to look for work today.”
“That’s wonderful. I’ll finish doing some unpacking in here.” She smiled from the corner of her lips.
“I’ll see if I can get you some more rods for the curtains, while I am out today.”
“Yes, that will really be wonderful. Thick, strong ones though.”
“I’ll see what they have.”
“Just make sure the quality is good.”
“I will take Jason with me, perhaps he might find some type of work he likes.”
“That’s a great idea, nothing to hard though, he is my one son.”
“The boy almost a man, he could more than do a little hard work.”
“Honey, please, it’s Jason we are talking about.”
“Maybe it’ll toughen him up some more.”
“Maybe, a cleaning job then.”
“We’ll see what they have when we go out there, we’ll see.”
The house was about three metres from the ground, on poles. On one of the poles, Toney had the dogs tied with about seven feet of rope each. In that way, the dogs could freely move around. Back on Dow Island, they were not accustom being shackled.
Toney untied the two dogs, and went to the other side of the house. Jason’s room rested just above his head. He could hear his son ruffling through some bags, and assumed he too was unpacking.
He looked at the track leading from his home and into the distance, where is disappeared. He kept his gaze there for several minutes.
“Toney,” Merry called out.
“No, I just didn’t hear you.”
“Haven’t left yet.”
“Okay, that’s fine,” she said.
“Vic, what did you get Blacks into?” Toney whispered, cleaning mud splatter on Blacks fur. When he was through, he turned his attention to Vic. He noticed Vic, who had walked around him by then, with something red on one of its front legs. “Did you hurt yourself boy?” Toney asked as if seeking to have an answer from Vic.
Merry placed her head through the opening of the kitchen window, “Don’t forget the curtain rods today, please.”
“No, I remembered,” he lifted his head. He held the dog’s leg and examined it closely, “No, okay, it’s not yours!”
Toney stood up. He placed both hands on his hips. He looked at the dog’s fur, but there was something else he observed. There was a smell on Vic, one that was not common to Toney.
“You said something to me?”
“No, no, just to the dogs.”
“Are they okay, love?”
“Yes, they are fine, just checking them out,” he said. “Okay, you know what, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Toney washed the blood from the dog’s foot and returned them to a pole under the house.
He went to a barrel with water to the back of the house. Using a small bucket, he dipped and poured on each hand. He returned the small bucket to the barrel of water. From his pocket he retrieved a piece of polyester cotton, material his wife tore form a ragged curtain and fashioned as a handkerchief. Folding it in half, he vigorously dry his hands. He had grown accustom using the sides of his pants to wipe his hands, soiling the area close to his pockets. But after receiving a stern warning from his wife, he started making good use of the cloth given to him.
“Jason,” Toney called out, “join me outside, let’s go look for work.”
There was silence in Jason’s room.
“Son, your father is speaking to you.”
“Son, please, go outside and meet your father.”
“He could go without me.”
“Son please, right this minute, go and join your father.”
Jason came out of his room sulking. His mother walked towards the front door. Her son made his way into the yard. His father had already set foot in the track.
Copyright © 2017 David Alexian
All rights reserved.
From time to time he looked at the stick, lost in thought. Like a scared bird in a trap, he sat on the step, exhausted. His ears listened to the sounds in the distance, familiar sounds of animals, but in an unfamiliar place.
Toney looked at him through the opened front door. His son had left much behind.
Toney felt he made the best decision for his family. As a father, he was not about to leave anyone behind. He told himself, what he experienced as a child at the hands of his relatives, was not going to be that of his family.
‘A man running’, but he did not mine that title. He thought if he stayed, he will be no different. A change in scenery was all he thought it will take.
This home was an investment. It was not in the best of condition, a little over twenty years old since being constructed. He knew his way around a bit of carpentry and had great plans to rebuild the house someday; making it more comfortable for his wife and son. Perhaps an additional room or two; making it bigger.
Copyright © 2017 David Alexian
All rights reserved.
About one hour had passed so far. The time though seemed longer. In a cage, time goes slowly. He became used to this. But just sitting there in the kitchen, Deo began to feel time itself had stopped. Although he was in his house, he felt as though he was invisible to the home. The white and gray striped shirt and khaki three quarter pants was all he came home with. This suit was one of the best he had acquired, keeping clean and worn only on special occasions. Out here, it is just cloths. Cloths if sold could purchase maybe a cigarette or a drink of rum and nothing else. On the islet, men could lose their life for accidentally staining possessions like these.
Copyright © 2017 David Alexian
All rights reserved.
The family had not seen him for twelve and a half years, during the time of his incarceration. All this time he spent on the islet of Centenery, about three hours from the main land. From his family, he lived isolated. Shelly had little means and could not travel freely to see him. Also, the last place that anyone could end up was on Centenery. The local fishermen preferred to venture out into the protected waters of the neighboring countries, than to veer in that direction. But there a father and husband was. Centenery was considered a curse. And even Deo, as much as at times he longed for his family, this was not a place to come near. ………………….
Copyright © 2017 David Alexian
All rights reserved.
The first novel is definitely the hardest! You think you have internalized how a story works as a reader and then you discover there is so much more to learn.
In this article, Natasa Lekic from New York Book Editors takes us through five problems that are common in first novels and how to avoid them.
The experience of writing your first draft can be a roller coaster.
However, once you write that final page, you’ll relate to Zadie Smith:
“It’s a feeling of happiness that knocks me clean out of adjectives. I think sometimes that the best reason for writing novels is to experience those four and a half hours after you write the final word.”
For most first-time writers, this is followed by a straight dive into the publishing process.
After all, you did the work, now it’s time for your story to get out into the world – right?
Not yet. A crucial second phase is involved: the editing. Today, many novels go through an editor before they even reach a literary agent.
At the company I founded, NY Book Editors, we specialize in the editing phase, so we’ve worked with hundreds of first-time novelists. Our team of experienced editors—which has worked with authors ranging from Stephen King to Paulo Coelho to Haruki Murakami—say writers often stumble on the same things.
Here are the common issues writers deal with in their first outing:
1. Where’s the conflict?
Stories must have some form of tension, or conflict, at all times. First novels often start with long descriptions of place or character. The exposition may be beautiful, but prose is never enough to keep your reader interested.
Take even a quiet novel, such as national bestseller The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. In the opening scene, it’s an ordinary morning in Harold and Maureen’s household, but something seems wrong.
He’s sitting at breakfast, she’s vacuuming, and then, “The vacuum tumbled into silence, and his wife appeared, looking cross, with a letter.”
The letter is for Harold. As he absentmindedly reacts to Maureen’s request for the jam, she says:
“That’s the marmalade, Harold. Jam is red. If you look at things before you pick them up, you’ll find it helps.”
Harold discovers that the letter is from an old friend, letting him know she has cancer. Maureen changes her tone. She says she’s sorry to hear the news and tries to make a positive remark about the weather.
It seems she’s not just a crabby old woman. Her attitude is more complex than that.
On the surface, we’re reading about an ordinary breakfast and the delivery of a letter. But from the beginning, the reader can see there’s much more going on. This is what keeps us interested.
As an author, you know the central conflict of your story, the main arc, but remember it’s built up gradually through every little scene.
Your novel should never become a catalog of events. Instead, it should always include tension and conflict, which continue to engage the reader. This is the engine that drives your story forward.
2. Are your characters interesting?
As a reader or a movie goer, how frustrating is it when a character doesn’t turn out to be more than they seem? It means the writer didn’t have any insight into the inner life of this person or their world.
When a character has depth, we want to spend time with them – regardless of whether they’re good or evil, sympathetic or not – we’re drawn to their story and compelled to find out more.
One effective way to make sure your character is rich and multi-dimensional is to write their backstory.
This backstory is written outside your novel, and it should tell the character’s individual story—where they come from, what drives them and why—along with details about their life.
You can think of it as a mini history, and ask yourself what you might write if you were doing it for a family member or friend. You might include details about where they were born and who their relatives are, along with defining moments in their life, and tidbits about what they like or dislike.
In other words, you would include the big things, along with quirks that make them unique.
You might scratch your head and wonder why this is necessary. It’s not going to be in the book after all. Who cares about their backstory?
Jenna Blum in The Author at Work explains:
“Hemingway said that only the tip of the iceberg showed in fiction—your reader will see only what is above the water—but the knowledge that you have about your character that never makes it into the story acts as the bulk of the iceberg. And that is what gives your story weight and gravitas.”
The intimate understanding you have of your character will bury its way into your novel without you even noticing it. The reader, however, will be able to tell the difference.
3. Is your prose too beautiful?
Some authors believe good language should be showy. However, using unnecessary words in an effort to be literary or write more beautifully, is a common error first-time authors make.
Georges Simenon, a Belgian author, once pointed to a sentence and said: “That’s a beautiful sentence, cut it.” Simenon went on to say that he learned, after working with one editor, that sometimes style can overwhelm a writer’s content.
“When you come across such a gorgeous sentence in a paragraph, it stands out and disrupts the even tone of your narrative. It’s as if you’ve paved a road and had a rose bush spurt up in the center. It’s beautiful, but it doesn’t belong there and it impedes the flow of the narrative.”
Or, as one of our editors put it, overuse of things like descriptors can bog down a narrative and make it more difficult for a reader to quickly grasp the meaning of a sentence and continue reading.
4. Has someone else read your manuscript?
Every writer should reread their own work and self-edit repeatedly – until they feel they’ve done everything they can for their manuscript. But at a certain point, a writer losses the ability to look over their own work honestly and objectively.
When he was younger, one of our editors completed a Master’s Thesis. Once he felt it was as good as he could possibly make it, he sent it to a friend to edit.
The document was returned in a sea of red marks. The most distressing edits, however, pointed out sections in which he had left out entire sentences.
“I knew exactly what I was trying to say, and so when I read it, I wasn’t reading the words on the page. I was reading what should have been there. My brain was filling in the gaps.
If I hadn’t had that person read it, I would have turned in something that in no way represented what I meant.
There comes a time when your writing is just too familiar to you. It all makes sense to you, so you can no longer see the flaws.”
That’s when a beta reader or a professional editor can really help. They’re approaching the manuscript for the first time, and they’re going to pick up on things you would never have noticed.
5. Be original
I know what you’re thinking—this is from Captain Obvious! But unless you have a masterful command of how to write in your genre, you run the risk of being predictable.
Consider Adele Waldman’s novel The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.; it’s about the romantic relationship between a man and a woman and has been compared to the work of Jane Austen. However, unlike Austen’s work, Waldman’s novel is written from the point-of-view of a man.
At its core, the story is familiar. There’s nothing original about the concept of this book, which became a national bestseller. However, because Waldman took the unconventional approach of telling this tale in the first person from the perspective of the man, she made something old feel wholly new.
Having a woman write a romance from the perspective of a brilliant young man gives rise to psychological observations that make the book feel revelatory.
In your genre, ask yourself how your story differs from other books. Even though you need to meet your reader’s expectations for their genre (Nathaniel P. is, after all, a novel about relationships), you also need to surprise them.
Keep in mind that fans of sci-fi read a lot of sci-fi, fans of chick lit read a lot of chick lit, and so on. They’ve seen many variations of the same story. You don’t need to recreate the wheel, but a fresh voice or a new approach to a tried and true formula will delight the reader.
As a bonus, if you’ve done this well, it will also be much easier to describe your novel to readers. Everyone gets excited by discovering a fresh approach to a genre they know well.
The last piece of advice is – don’t stress!
Writing a novel is an immense undertaking. By taking the time to craft your story, your unique perspective of the world, you’re embarking on a difficult but endlessly rewarding journey.
When you make mistakes, don’t be too hard on yourself. Every author you’ve ever admired (alright, alright except Shakespeare) has lagged here and there, learned from their hiccups, and gone on to write the books that shake you to your core.
It doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and your craft. You’ll get there.